Apocalypse Know How - Guest Post from M.R. Cornelius

A tongue-in-cheek advice column called APOCALYPSE KNOW HOW, from M. R. Cornelius, author of the post-apocalyptic thriller H10 N1.

Dear Eloise,
My husband and I have a dinner riding on your answer. He says we should hunker down during an apocalypse. I say we should run for the hills. Who’s right?
                                                                                                                               Nervous in Nashville

Dear Nervous,

There are several factors to consider here. Do you have plenty of guns and ammo? How much food have you stockpiled? Do you have an impenetrable shelter, such as a basement, or safe room? In the case of a viral pandemic, health authorities agree that it could be 6 months to a year before it is safe to move about freely. So, will you have enough supplies to keep yourselves fed that long? And will you be able to fend off any attackers?

If you don’t think you can remain safe in your home, or if you think the CDC is lowballing the duration of a pandemic, you might want to make a run for it. If this is your choice, do you have a destination in mind? A cabin in the wilderness where you can hunt game, and forage for food? Is there a clean water source? Do you have reliable transportation, preferably a vehicle that can go off-road if necessary? Of course, you will still need weapons, and be able to react quickly to unforeseen problems like vigilante roadblocks or gang attacks.

I suggest you weigh your options, and go dutch on dinner.

Dear Eloise,
During an apocalypse, when is it okay to shoot my neighbor?

                                                                Wanna Do Right in Dallas

Dear Wanna,

It sounds like you may have some issues with your neighbor already, so when an apocalypse occurs, perhaps you should take a moment to consider your motives.

For instance, if your neighbor knocks on your door, begging for food and water, it is not appropriate to shoot without first telling him to go away, or giving him a courtesy warning shot. However, if the neighbor breaks in, armed or not, you are within your rights to blast away.

If you are out somewhere, say looting a supermarket, and you spot your neighbor with the last case of bottled water, it’s always a nice gesture to ask for it first. If you don’t like his response, or it has been more than three weeks since said apocalypse began, then technically you may shoot.


CONFIDENTIAL TO HUNGRY IN HANNIBAL.

Any muscle tissue—which is what meat is basically—can be consumed. If the meat is infected, you should take precautions in the preparation. I suggest handling with disposable gloves, like restaurant workers wear. If gloves are not available, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly. The meat must be cooked to an internal temperature of 165 degrees to kill the virus. Might I suggest incorporating the meat into a stew, both to tenderize, and to mask that ‘gamey’ flavor.                                                                                              

After working for fifteen years as a cafeteria manager in an elementary school, Marsha Cornelius turned in her non-skid shoes for a bathrobe and slippers. She now works at home, writing novels, acting out scenes with her cats, and occasionally running a Swiffer across dusty surfaces.

Like thousands of others, she thought she could write romance, but soon discovered she was a dismal failure. She did increase her repertoire of adjectives such as throbbing, pulsing, thrumming, vibrating, hammering, pumping . . .

She resides in Atlanta with her husband. Her two grown sons occasionally visit for clean laundry and a hot cooked meal.