A Bit of Humor - Guest Post from Author Maryann Miller

Thanks so much to the folks here at Free Book Dude for the opportunity to share a guest blog. Since we are in the midst of what I always called The Summertime Blues, I thought I would share a bit of humor with you. At least I hope you find it humorous.

When our five children were all little and underfoot, seasons streamed one into the other without much impact on family life. We continued doing what we always did, just changed clothes to suit the weather.

However, that all changed when the kids were all gone for most of the day during the school year, then suddenly, summertime came and there they all were, cluttering up the house. Every last one of them. Every day. All day.

Often, as the end of the school year drew near and I looked ahead to the days of summer vacation stretching endlessly before me, I had a feeling of impending doom. Maybe that was because we usually failed miserably on the first day of summer vacations. Sort of like time trials in car racing. If you make it through without a mishap, you've got a chance at the race.

I would barely make it through the first two hours of:

"I've been waiting all winter to watch this show. You can watch your dumb show tomorrow."

"That's not fair! You can't watch TV anyway. You didn't do your work."

"What are you? The resident policeman?"

"I'm just trying to help. Keep things running smoothly so Mom won't get upset."

Meanwhile I was in the other room suffering from terminal motherhood, expecting all the fuses to blow any second. I had visions of that kid walking through the entire summer in a black and white striped shirt with a whistle in his mouth.

Maybe I should have just let him have a go at it.

As the fight over the TV would increase in tempo and volume, I would have definite impulses to do violence of some sort. And just in case that went beyond the impulse state, I had a defense plan prepared.
 By reasons of insanity:  "Your Honor, no one in their right mind would ever throw a toaster at their own television without provocation."

Things would go steadily downhill from there, and I questioned whether I would make it another day. Already I had laryngitis and I was sure I'd ruptured something in my throat. God wouldn't do this to me, would He? He wouldn't expect me to stumble through the summer without a voice to yell with?

I might have made it through that first day by sheer force of determination, if it hadn't been for this little kid who kept following me around asking me when we were leaving on summer vacation.

"We are on summer vacation!"

"No we're not! Vacation is going somewhere, and we're not going anywhere."

I wonder if a one way ticket on the next space shuttle fits the criteria of "going somewhere?"

Despite the challenges of raising five children, I managed to establish a writing career that included being a humor columnist for a Dallas suburban newspaper. A version of this essay first appeared in the Plano Star Courier. Since then, I've written a number of books, the latest being Boxes For Beds, a historical mystery set in Arkansas in 1961. My mystery series that debuted with Open Season in 2010, continued with Stalking Season in 2012, and both have received great reviews from Publisher's Weekly, Kirkus, and Library Journal. The books were released in hardback, and Open Season is now available as an e-book. I also have a number of other books and short stories published, and you can find out more on my Website   and my Blog or Connect with me on Facebook  and Twitter.    

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