It Came From..........The Washing Up! - Guest Post From Author Darren Worrow

It Came From………The Washing Up!

Darren Worrow  

When I was a student,

In my younger years,

We skipped the housework,

And went out for some beers,

We left all the dusting and cleaning,

We didn’t need the chore,

We left the washing up,

Until it piled up out the door,

Then one day I couldn’t afford a takeaway,

And to cook I needed a dish and cup,

My mission was unavoidable,

I needed to wash up.

I was cooking for two that day,

Intended to impress a girl,

But the dishes were dirty,

And washing is my version of hell.

I approached it with caution,

It was to be an impossible task,

Without some protective clothing,

Equipped with gloves and gas mask,

Fearful I walked into the kitchen,

Looked into the dirty sink,

Something was in there,

I’m sure I saw it blink,

It had eyes as big as plates,

Its pupils made from mouldy onion rings,

A nose from a green baked potato,

And other nasty things,

It was growling at me,

Its teeth were made from knives,

I screamed the whole house down,

And we all ran for our lives,

Now I’m so much older,

I live a life of shame,

The monster from the washing up,

Was it the one to blame?

I was really shy and lonely,

It was a terrible life,

What I wanted was someone to understand,

I needed the love of a good wife,

I could not find that special someone,

So I married out of desperation,

She really was a hag,

She hated my procrastination.

She chained me to that sink,

I washed up day and night,

Forgotten about the time,

It gave me such a fright.

One day I met an old friend,

Wanted to go to the football pitch,

Told him my wife wouldn’t let me,

He said I should stand up against that witch.

I told her I wasn’t doing any washing up,

Not ever again will I walk that line,

But you know the way with women,

Though she says it; it’s never “Fine!”

And now the washing up was building,

Stacked up on that draining board,

She saw red, she blew a fuse,

Dunno where she found that samurai sword,

She marched me into that kitchen,

And pointed at the mess,

I swear she was the devil,

Just in a flowery dress.

I gawked into that sink once more,

That’s when I saw that grinning face,

I’m not going through this again,

I’m off to pack my case.

The plates for eyes glared at me,

The mouth began to yelp,

But its voice was soft and sweet,

It was crying out for help.

We talked and talked for hours,

The monster from the washing up and I,

We both had a sad story to tell,

We both began to cry.

I figured that we were alike in many ways,

Both depressed about our life,

Hers caused by mouldy foodstuff,

Mine by a mouldy wife,

She was none too attractive,

But I was no oil painting see,

She blushed when I asked out,

I’m sure she fancied me.

The wife shouted she wanted tea,

I made it and bought her in a cup,

Then I walked out on her,

With the monster from the washing up!

FIN

Visit Darren's Amazon page here
Don't forget to pick up a few of Darren's books!
The Perminator
The Hex Factor
The Hargreaves Code

Shot from my dying home planet as a baby in an egg shaped craft I grew up with a company of wolves, learning to live as they did. Until one day the threat of the return of a naughty tiger meant I was guided out of the jungle by a jazz singing bear and into a man-village. At the village I managed to win a golden ticket to a chocolate factory where I fell into a river of chocolate and got sucked up a pipe. Things went from bad to worse when I found out that a drunken sailor in the local inn had a treasure map and I was accosted by pirates and travelled to a secret Caribbean island. After this I could take no more of my adopted parents and so I went away off with some strange bloke to a school for wizards where I thought it best to challenge a lecturer that killed my parents.

However after this my life turned around, I grew up and gave my favourite toys, a cowboy and a space ranger away to a snotty girl from around the corner and went to college. Unfortunately though I was bitten by a rare spider and found myself with special arachnid powers which I used to defeat an evil leprechaun.

Now, well, now I just write books, people say where do you get your ideas from and I tell them I have no idea, I've had such a boring, everyday life.

But you can visit my website at www.darrenworrow.webs.com and find out even more.

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